Words

* * * DISCLAIMER #1: This blog is about marriage and divorce and my views on it. It is not in any way directed at anyone in particular and it is not meant to offend anyone. I am not trying to tell anyone that their beliefs are wrong and I know not everyone sees things the way that I do. Just please remember when reading this that these are MY opinions and MY views and they're not likely to be changed. * * *



Last night Brian was holding me before we went to sleep like we do almost every night and he whispered, "Thanks for being my wife." I smiled and told him "Thanks for being my husband."


Wife. Husband. Those are powerful words. (It's been about a year and a half since we got married and it still seems surreal sometimes.) But those words are only powerful if you believe the meaning behind them. All words are like that when you stop and think about it.



* * * DISCLAIMER #2: These are my personal definitions of what these words mean. They're not from Webster dictionary and they may not be what is politically correct or what is popular at the moment. They are MY beliefs and what these words mean to me. * * *



~ Wife: A woman who is committed to the person she is with and plans on spending the rest of her life with this person, regardless of if the other person is also a woman.


~ Husband: A man who is committed to the person he is with and plans on spending the rest of his life with this person, regardless of if the other person is also a man.


~ Marriage: Two people committing themselves completely to another person.
(Yes, I believe in marriage equality for straight couples as well as gay/lesbian couples.)


~ Vows: Sacred promises two people make to each other when they dedicate themselves to the other person.


~ Wedding: A ceremony, regardless of size, where two people make their vows to each other.



Weddings used to be major, life-changing events... people didn't get married and divorced over and over again.. once you said your vows and committed yourself to that person, you were with that person for life. They may not have been completely happy with their choice of spouse all the time, but they found a way to make it work. If it was "broke", they fixed it. I think people now days quit on marriages that could be saved if given the chance and the right tools. I don't think it's because everyone bails out when it's not easy anymore...there's going to be a lot of times that it's going to be hard. But I think society has made it easier and more acceptable for divorce to happen. I'm not going to say I'm entirely old fashioned, because I'm pretty liberal on some views. But... I believe in marriage. I believe once you make those promises to someone, you do everything you can to uphold those promises. I'm also not going to say that it's wrong to get divorced because I believe there are some pretty good reasons to get divorced. I just don't think it's right to leave a marriage without doing everything in your power to try to make the marriage work.


I would like to touch on the whole marriage equality issue for a minute though. I said I do believe in the definition of marriage but I believe in MY definition of marriage. I believe marriage can be between a man and a woman or between two women or two men. It shouldn't matter what organs the person was born with... the basic fundamentals are still there. They are still committed to that person, they love that person, they support that person. All of the same feelings are there. Is it what I would choose for my life? No. But I also know that if I was in that situation, where another woman was able to make me happier and be a better partner in life than the men I'd met and still be able to have a sexual attraction to that woman, I would definitely not appreciate someone trying to tell me that I couldn't be married to that person - let alone someone trying to tell me that it's wrong for me to love the person that I do. Flip the tables for a minute. What if the social norm was for people of the same sex to be together and opposite sex unions were taboo. (Try not to think about the ability to reproduce...) Would you women still be with your husbands? Would you men still be with your wives? I'm sorry, but I wouldn't give up the person that I love and that loves me back just because someone else thinks it's unacceptable. (And if one of the boys decided that being gay was the lifestyle they wanted, I wouldn't want other people to look down on them or shun them or treat them any differently.) To tell gays and lesbians that they can't get married or to make the word "union" the legal term for their marriage, to me, is pure discrimination. That would be the same thing as someone trying to tell a straight person that they can't marry a person of the opposite sex.

In the end, my view on the issue is simply this: I'll live my life the way I want and you live your life the way you want. As long as you don't try to push your lifestyle on me when I don't want it, then we're good. I'll respect how you live your life as long as you respect how I live mine.