Responsibilities

Sorry guys... I needed to take a break from the Life Since Then saga to write this...

A status on Facebook (yes, Facebook prompted this blog) from an old friend of mine today got me going.

To the best of my knowledge, this is the back story: Her ex neglected to pay child support for her daughter for the majority of the time that she was under 18 years old. This woman is now getting back support and her daughter isn’t talking to her because this back support is taking a good chunk of her dad’s money and he’s older and sick. The daughter wants her to go to court and have the back support order dropped since she’s now over 18 and not living at home anymore.

I can see both sides. The daughter is concerned for her dad – like any daughter would be – and wants him to be able to afford the things that he wants and needs especially if he’s sick. He is, after all, still her dad. The mom wants the compensation that she deserves for being a single mother for all of these years. She paid for it all… food, clothes, housing, school supplies, extracurricular activities, gas (for when she’s had to be driven somewhere), medical bills… the list goes on and on.

Like any other topic that I write about, I have strong feelings on this one. And, don’t get any kind of ideas that this is a “bashing men” session because there are women out there that neglect their responsibilities too (and that’s becoming more and more frequent).

#1 – Getting Pregnant - Women don’t have the ability to climb on top of themselves and get pregnant. Period. (We’re excluding women who go and get in vitro so they can be pregnant – this was also not the case in the above story.) Reproductive sex takes a man and a woman. DUH. But, it’s incredible how many men seem to forget this tiny bit of information.

#2 – Donation of Genetic Material – By donating genetic materials to the creation of a baby, you have officially signed yourself up for a crazy long list of responsibilities. You are now responsible for supporting this baby throughout their life physically, emotionally, AND financially. Notice how “and” is in all capital letters? Yea, that’s because you cannot substitute that word for “or”. You are responsible for ALL of those… you can’t pick and choose according to what is convenient for you at the time.

#3 – Needs – Kids need (not including their wants) a LOT of things. Everything they need ties together in some way to be in at least two of the three above mentioned categories. Examples are listed below.

Child’s Need	Physically, Emotionally, Financially?
Roof over their head	Physically: Need to be able to sleep out of the elements. Emotionally: A kid sleeping under a bridge is nearly guaranteed to be depressed. Financially: Any house/apartment/condo/trailer/etc. costs money
Clothing	Physically: Does this need explained? Making your child go naked all the time is abuse. Clothes need to be clean to make sure germs that are picked up on a daily basis are gone. Emotionally: A kid that has dirty, torn clothes all the time feels less self-worth than other kids that are clean. (Note: I am not saying that kids need the most expensive, up-to-date fashions. I’m talking about basic clothing NEEDS… no matter how much they want the other.) Financially: Clothing, shoes, and the detergent needed to clean them cost money.
Food	Physically: Um, duh? They need GOOD food too… not just junk. Science has proven that kids (same as adults) function better with healthy food. Emotionally: Kids who are constantly hungry aren’t able to focus on anything else (think about when you’re hungry…). Financially: Food costs money.
Doctor visits/ medicines	Physically: Again… duh? Kids constantly need to go to the doctor whether it be for an injury or an illness. (Most sports require an annual physical also.) Emotionally: Sometimes, kids need to see therapists to deal with various things. Same reasons an adult would need to go. Financially: Doctors and medicine costs money.
Safety	Physically: Do you want to be physically safe? Yea, I’m sure kids do too. I don’t know of any kid that seriously dreams of being kidnapped or murdered. Emotionally: This is a tricky one sometimes. Every now and then, tough decisions have to be made to make sure a child is emotionally safe. Whether this means keeping them from shady people or whatever, a child’s mental safety is incredibly important. Financially: This one doesn’t always take money. But, extra security measures (especially when they live in a not-so-great area) can cost money.

Granted, those are not all the things a child needs… those are just some basics. But the point I’m trying to make is that everything a child needs somehow has a physical, emotional, and financial aspect. If you take out the financial aspect, how are these needs going to be met?

#4 – Child support – I don’t care how many kids you have or how crappy your life has been or any of that. If it’s YOUR child, you should have to pay support regardless. Plain and simple, it’s expensive to have a child and raise it with just basics being met… not including anything extra. One income just isn’t enough anymore. If you can’t afford your support, then get another job! (I know I’ve covered this in another blog of mine, but there’s no way you can say “but there are no jobs out there”. I don’t care if you’re flipping burgers to pay your support… DO IT.)

#5 – Back child support – I put the following as part of my response on the status that prompted all this: “Let me put it this way... If you have an electric bill or whatever that you don't pay, that bill gets bigger and bigger and then that bill gets fines, fees, etc tacked on. Eventually it goes to collections. If it goes too long, it can go to court so then you have to add legal fees in there also. That bill is you're responsibility to pay and won't go away until you deal with it. My point is, if you deal with your responsibilities when you're faced with them, then they won't be such a burden later.” If you deal with child support when you’re supposed to pay it, you won’t owe it past the time when it’s supposed to end. But, if you choose to neglect supporting your child, don’t be upset when the person who DID wants you to pull your weight.

I know it’s just a fact of life… some parents are dead beats. I get it. And, on the flip side, some parents get support and blow it on other things while the kids still go without what they need. But… that’s on them. At least by paying your support, you’re SUPPORTING YOUR KIDS.