She ended up writing them a letter about a month later. She
sent a list of 10 questions to each of the boys to answer... questions like
what’s your favorite color and food and sport. They asked us why their mom sent them a homework assignment. But still, they wrote responses and mailed
them back to her.
Then towards the end of September, we got something for her
in the mail from the courts. I called the court house and tried to give them an
address but they told me to write the new address on the piece of mail and
return to sender. I sent her a message on facebook to let her know so I could
“do the right thing”. She researched it and called me to tell me it was a past
due notice for her court fees she was supposed to pay. (She ended up getting
two of these notices. If you look up their divorce online, you can see that the
payment ended up coming from her new boyfriend/ fiancé.) We were on the phone
for three minutes. Not once did she ask about the kids or how they were… she
was more concerned about telling me how her daughter’s father stopped paying
support to her. About an hour later, she messaged me asking how the kids were
and wanted to talk about the possibility of her talking to them on the phone
again. I told her that she needed to stick to the letter thing for a while
before that would be an option again since she had only sent them one letter up
to that point. She asked if she could text or email pictures to them. I told
her that if she wanted to include pictures, then she needed to send them along
with her letters. Besides, the kids like pictures they can hold and look at. (They both have several pictures in frames in their rooms that have her in them... Timothy has the majority of them, but Thomas has some also.) She
sent them another letter a few days later. She did not include any pictures but
did include promises of printing off some and mailing them later. The kids
wrote their responses and mailed them two days later. The same day, I noticed
on her facebook page that she had taken a picture that I had uploaded of
Timothy all dressed up and his hair with gel in it and uploaded it to her page
like it was a picture that she had taken herself. Now, if she would have asked
to use it, then that would have been totally different. But to take it and try
to pass it off as your own is just plain wrong. If she would be here, then she
can take her own pictures and share her own memories, but don’t take mine. So I
asked her to remove it. But it was excuse after excuse as to why she couldn’t
do it... including how she couldn't remove it on her phone and how she didn't have access to a computer to take it off. As far as I know, it’s still there and that was on September 25.
Around this time, she did ask me what size clothes the kids are into so that she could order them some outfits from the internet (but she didn't have access to a computer?) I told her that the kids don't need any more clothes, seeing as they both have a full closet and a full dresser - Timothy's has 9 drawers and Thomas's has 8 drawers. Both closets have double doors. She told me that didn't matter, because it's something that she wanted to do. I responded and told her that if she wanted to send something to them, then she should send something that they need. She asked what they needed and I told her that all of the material things they need are already taken care of. Brian and I have been taking care of that and will continue to take care of it. But they need things from their mother that we cannot give them. I told her to send them a letter or holiday cards or birthday cards - they need those more than they need an outfit from her. She told me that she didn't need me to be rude. So I told her that I don't really care what she needs... I care about what the boys need.
The boys have still to this day only gotten two letters from
her since she was given that as her option to contact them in mid July. Hence
the reason I checked the “return home” box on the permission slip for the
letter that he wrote to her at school. She hasn’t written back to him and I
don’t want him to get his hopes up and think that if he sends her letters all
the time that it will make her write him back. So if you want to think that I’m
a horrible person for it, then that’s fine. But my first and foremost priority
is the boys and their well-being – physical and mental – and I made a decision
based on what I thought would be best. (He did save the letter and was told he
can send it once she writes him back.)
Epilogue:
Since the school assignment/ letter, the most recent drama
with her was about a week or two ago. She called Brian about some website that
people were apparently talking trash about her on. I don’t know exactly what
she wanted him to do about it. Once Brian told me about it, I texted her to ask
why she thought it necessary to call Brian over something like that. She didn’t
respond, so I followed with one that said she is no longer married to Brian, he
is my husband now, and she has a third husband-to-be that she can run to when
she wants to whine and complain.
Then a couple of days later, she texted Brian asking if she
had gotten any mail from the court at our house. She had missed a payment to
CSEA and they had sent something to the shelter that runs the place where she
is living. (She lives in a “transition house” through a battered women’s
homeless shelter even though her “battering experience” was well over a year
ago. Her cop fiancé lives there with her, even though he’s not supposed to.)
She said she was afraid she would go to jail for 30 days because of the missed
payment. So again, I texted her and told her that had nothing to do with the
kids so she needed to quit texting. She tried to tell me that it’s between her
and Brian, but it’s not. It’s between her and CSEA. Brian has no control over
what they do and in fact, they’ve told him that he really doesn’t have to do
anything anymore – they’ll take care of everything. The conversation ended with
her telling me not to contact her phone anymore or she’ll turn it into the
state police and file harassment charges. (Big surprise there… she’s called the
police and tried to file harassment charges on me before but they’ve pretty
much told her that she can’t do anything about it. But she’s now trying to use
her fiancé’s title as a Michigan
I’m sure once I start posting this blog, either Brian or
myself will be getting more messages threatening harassment, how this is
slander and defamation of character, or something to that effect. But it’s a blog, not a newspaper article. And
all of this is true to the best of my knowledge. Again, the timing on a few
things in the earlier part of the blog may be off, but that doesn’t change
what’s happened or how I feel on the topic.
Epilogue #2:
Scratch that… Brian heard from her again after I posted part
1 of this blog. She called him (at work and had him paged instead of calling on
his cell phone like a normal person) to say that this is slander and she has
sent money to a lawyer to take care of it. I have to say, I’m pretty proud of
my husband because he told her that for it to be slander, then it can’t be
true, which it all is. And if she has money to send to a lawyer, then maybe she
should start making full support payments (she sends $160 something when she
was ordered to pay $183.00). I do think it’s funny though that she has the
nerve to call Brian and whine and fuss and threaten but she won’t talk to me
directly about it. But then again, she’s continuing to throw out the whole
harassment threat. So for some reason, she thinks it’s ok to contact Brian but
then tell us not to contact her or it would be considered harassment. Doesn’t
make much sense to me.
But it is what it is… no one is going to be able to do
anything about it. She’s going to be how she is and act how she does with no
regard to anyone else, especially her children. All we can do is hope that she won't continue to play this game of "Tug-Of-War" with their emotions because it really is detrimental to them. Brian and I are trying our hardest to give them a loving, stable home where they can learn and grow without having to worry about all the drama. All of this is entirely too much to put on the shoulders of a 7 and almost 10 year old. They need and deserve better.
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